“Heya!”
That’s the greeting I usually use when saying hello to the folks that appear online in my instant message program and on my friends list in SecondLife. Between the virtual world friends list and my IM accounts, I would safely say I have 40 folks that I could communicate with regularly, about 10 of which are on at any one time. I go down the list of who is online and type my happy greeting, then get on with my day.
While I work from my home, I’m still used to having coworkers about me. My IM contacts become my virtual office mates, so when I log in I am compelled to give a short happy greeting… identical to a wave or hello said to another coworker that you pass on the way to your desk with your brimming cup of hot coffee.
“Heya” is not meant to be an overture to a sustained conversation. When those times come, I usually add a “Are you busy?” or “Do you have a minute for me?” to my greeting because that’s just polite.
Admittedly, I don’t greet everyone I see online every day, usually because I forget to or I am coming online specifically to talk to one person (yes, ok, it’s Roxanne, easy guess) and then log off and do non-at-keyboard tasks.
But here’s where my problems start.
Seems most folks use the one-word greeting as an “IM test” to see if you are really there. The network engineer in me calls that a ‘ping’, referring to a packet of data that is transmitted from one computer to another over the network to see if it is online and communicating. I think that because folks don’t consistently use the status indicators, the need to ping before entering a longer message has become commonplace. Because who wants to type a whole bunch only to find out that the other side is not paying attention, right?
So, I recently added a new friend (he gets to stay anonymous), and as fate would have it, he was online when I logged in. So I delivered the standard greeting. 4 minutes later, he replied “wtf! why are you bothering me?” (exact quote).
I was a bit taken aback from that reply, and as we chatted more, he explained that he had interpreted my greeting as the overture to a lengthy conversation. Seems he was waiting for 4 minutes for me to communicate why I was IMing him, and because I didn’t continue, he got mad because he had stopped what he was doing to chat with me.
Was he right? Is that how IM works now? Are we all too busy to say hello, type 5-6 characters to folks we know just to pass on a greeting without fear of engaging in a conversation with someone we don’t have time for?
I pressed for more information. Here are some things he said he also does:
- If someone he does not want to chat with IMs him, he just ignores them. “They’ll think I’m away,” he says. “Isn’t that rude?” I asked. “They do it to me,” was the reply.
- The only time he IMs someone is when he wants or needs something from them. “Sending an IM is faster than writing an email.” “Do you ever just say hello?” I asked. “Why?” was the reply.
- He friends everyone. “How do you keep in touch with all those folks?” I asked. “What? I just add them so I can see if they’re online. They’re not really my friends.”
In chatting with others, it seems his opinions and behaviors are indicative of the majority of folks. While this is personally disappointing to me (oh, the world is cast not in thine own image), I also realize that my friendly greeting is probably being perceived as daily harassment to the folks with the misfortune of being online when I am.
So, I apologize to my friends and contacts in IM and SL. Really, all I intended was to acknowledge your presence with me in the virtual space as I would if we passed in the hallway. What I thought was a gentle way of pointing out that you are a special person to me was, it seems, an impolite interruption.
I will now remorsefully join the throngs and herds and become passive about my IM experience. I will add friends to monitor their online status for my own needs and not because I want to stay in touch with them socially or professionally.
I will, however, say a silent but heartfelt ‘Heya’ in my head and smile when I see your name online… just as I have sadly noted other names on my list that don’t ever show online anymore, hoping they’re doing well, wherever they are.
You can’t stop me.
Tags: greetings, IM messages, interruptions, ping, second life, status indicators
